my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
