a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
