Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
