wat bout pragnant strippers??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
