I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
