6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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