toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
