she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
