i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
