I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
