My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
