I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
