if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
