I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
