He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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