Quick, to the slutcave!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she told me i tasted like america
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
