my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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