Is it because I queefed?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
