were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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