My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
