When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
whose parrot is this?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
