I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize