3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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