Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize