I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
