Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
