The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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