is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
