Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
