he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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