Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
