There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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