he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
