I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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