I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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