one might say we're banned from that church
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
