If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
