Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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