you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
