There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
