The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
