Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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