you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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