can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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