she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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