Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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