everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
