I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
