Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
