he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
