sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
