i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he just fucked me for my cheese.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
