oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So vagazzling was a success
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
