A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
