So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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