thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
