Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
