Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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