If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
