I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
