just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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